Seeing as I am not married, and never have been, I often feel inadequate as I explain how marriage ties in to family relations. This week, we discussed the transition points in marriage. The initial marriage, and having children seemed to be the most obvious transitions in marriage. The initial marriage is both an exciting, but also very stressful event. When two individuals get married, they are meshing two completely different family cultures and backgrounds. When a couple gets engaged and begins planning a wedding, they are (or should be) encouraging both sides of the family to work together in executing such an important event. Once the couple is married, it can be difficult to incorporate the two separate cultures into one household. I assume that this is one of the reasons that most marriages fail very early on. Having to mesh the two lifestyles requires much cooperation, negotiation, and compromise.
Having children is considered one of the other major transitions in a marriage. Incorporating children into the family unit can surely shake things up. Introducing a child calls for just as much cooperation , negotiation, and compromise as the initial marriage. For most of our time in class, we discussed the strains that having a child can have, and how to avoid them. We discussed that having a child can especially make the father feel distanced as the mother is preoccupied with nurturing the child. Often times, mothers also suffer with postpartum depression, which can also strain the relationship between husband and wife. The wife often feels overwhelmed as she is now responsible for the nurture of another human being. In order to avoid marital strain, we concluded that it is important to include the husband in the maternal experiences of pregnancy, and the nurture of the newborn child, It is also crucial for the husband to help his wife in any way that he can as she tries to nurture the child as best as she can. Cooperation is necessary for marital happiness when a new child is introduced.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Marriage Preparation
As we discussed marriage preparation this week, we addressed the different stages of choosing an eternal companion. I found that predictors for a successful marriage were extremely important but often unnoticed in the process of dating. I have realized that the manner by which you date often reflects patterns that are found in marriage. As we date casually, or exclusively, we are experiencing the mannerisms, attitudes, and habits of potential companions. The things that we observe can serve as warning signs, or indicators of a successful marriage. After reflecting on past dating experiences, I realize how important dating is. Many see dating as a chore, but without getting to know those around you, there are so many opportunities that go unnoticed. In order to get to know someone well enough to consider marriage, it is so important to see them in a number off environments and situations. Dating should entail numerous activities that are diverse in nature. The best dates give each participant an opportunity to truly get to know the other. These experiences serve as indicators of whether a relationship would be successful or not. The proper process of dating is a dying tradition, but need to be revived in order to result in more successful marriages.
One of my favorite discussions this week included the introduction of the relationship attachment model (or RAM model). This model shows how relationships can grow to be most successful. It indicates that the proper sequence of relationship progression should include; getting to know the other, gaining trust in your significant other, being able to rely on them, committing to the relationship, and showing intimacy through touch. This specific order is crucial. One must know their significant other before being able to trust them. As trust develops, you can then rely on your significant other, and so on. This order should not be rearranged if a healthy and successful relationship is the ultimate goal. I found this RAM model very helpful, and i will be referring to it frequently in the future.
http://www.codependencynomore.com/session16/
One of my favorite discussions this week included the introduction of the relationship attachment model (or RAM model). This model shows how relationships can grow to be most successful. It indicates that the proper sequence of relationship progression should include; getting to know the other, gaining trust in your significant other, being able to rely on them, committing to the relationship, and showing intimacy through touch. This specific order is crucial. One must know their significant other before being able to trust them. As trust develops, you can then rely on your significant other, and so on. This order should not be rearranged if a healthy and successful relationship is the ultimate goal. I found this RAM model very helpful, and i will be referring to it frequently in the future.
http://www.codependencynomore.com/session16/
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Gender and Family Life
Gender has a much larger influence on family life than I ever expected before our discussions this week. Each gender has their own unique roles and responsibilities in the family. We discussed that women are more inclined to have certain traits that men do not. Men are more inclined to have other traits that women do not. For example women tend to be more sensitive, nurturing, and emotional, while men tend to be more protective, aggressive, and logical. It is important to note that these traits are not strictly assigned, but they are interchangeable. It is actually beneficial for a woman to be both protective and sensitive, and for a man to be both emotional and aggressive. Gender roles between men and women are unique, but complimentary to one another.
When I was a freshman in High School, my father passed away in a fatal car accident. Because of this, I have experienced family life with balanced gender roles and unbalanced gender roles. My father was the breadwinner of our family, while my mom always stayed at home to nurture her children. They worked together perfectly in their responsibilities. When my father passed away, my mother had to take on some roles that she was not familiar with. She was pressured to be the breadwinner of the family, but also the sensitive nurturer. This was an extremely daunting task as anyone would expect. While she has done an outstanding job at taking on roles of father and mother, there are some noticeable differences in family life now that my father is gone. My mother seems to be quite exhausted, taking on both roles. My younger sisters have struggled without a fahter figure in the home at all times, and have become closely attached to other men in their life, such as my brothers. My older brothers, some who have families of their own, have felt the need to play the role of father for their siblings, as well as their own children. My experience has opened my eyes to the importance of men and women working together as a complementary unit.
When I was a freshman in High School, my father passed away in a fatal car accident. Because of this, I have experienced family life with balanced gender roles and unbalanced gender roles. My father was the breadwinner of our family, while my mom always stayed at home to nurture her children. They worked together perfectly in their responsibilities. When my father passed away, my mother had to take on some roles that she was not familiar with. She was pressured to be the breadwinner of the family, but also the sensitive nurturer. This was an extremely daunting task as anyone would expect. While she has done an outstanding job at taking on roles of father and mother, there are some noticeable differences in family life now that my father is gone. My mother seems to be quite exhausted, taking on both roles. My younger sisters have struggled without a fahter figure in the home at all times, and have become closely attached to other men in their life, such as my brothers. My older brothers, some who have families of their own, have felt the need to play the role of father for their siblings, as well as their own children. My experience has opened my eyes to the importance of men and women working together as a complementary unit.
Social Class and Cultural Diversity
This week, we have taken an interesting perspective on the role of social class and culture in family life. In one way or another, our families are influenced by the social class we belong to, and the culture that we come from. We have discussed the pros and cons of raising a family in each of the respected social classes. As a part of our discussion, we were asked which social class would be ideal to raise a family. Many said that middle class would be the ideal social class to raise a family in, seeing as they would have sufficient resources to succeed, but not too many as to spoil their sense of hard work. While this makes sense to me, I disagree with the assumption that one social class would be superior to another.
I had the privilege of climbing the social ladder throughout my life. As newlyweds, my parents were very poor, and in a large amount of debt. When I was a child, my parents were working through debt, and my siblings and I did not have as many resources as our middle class friends. Regardless of the fact that we did not go on annual family trips, and we lived a paycheck to paycheck life, I believe that my siblings and I learned all of the necessary characteristics to being successful adults. As we grew older, my parents worked hard enough to afford a larger home in the suburbs. Were were then considered "middle class". Although we had climbed this social ladder, my parents still required that we all worked jobs to pay for our own things, even though they easily could have. Regardless of our social class, we always maintained proper family values. Whether in a budget crisis or not, we always kept sound priorities and learned the things that we needed to in order to succeed in adulthood.
I had the privilege of climbing the social ladder throughout my life. As newlyweds, my parents were very poor, and in a large amount of debt. When I was a child, my parents were working through debt, and my siblings and I did not have as many resources as our middle class friends. Regardless of the fact that we did not go on annual family trips, and we lived a paycheck to paycheck life, I believe that my siblings and I learned all of the necessary characteristics to being successful adults. As we grew older, my parents worked hard enough to afford a larger home in the suburbs. Were were then considered "middle class". Although we had climbed this social ladder, my parents still required that we all worked jobs to pay for our own things, even though they easily could have. Regardless of our social class, we always maintained proper family values. Whether in a budget crisis or not, we always kept sound priorities and learned the things that we needed to in order to succeed in adulthood.
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